Being International Women’s Day we wanted to share something with you to represent why it’s so important that women support one another. Robert G. Ingersoll once said “You will rise by lifting others” and when parenting I think this is so very important. The support network provided by old friends, new friends, family and colleagues has been, will continue to be, invaluable.
The story below began as an email from a fellow new parent reaching out for advise and reassurance.
I’ve been following your blogging since you all returned back to work.
I’m returning back to work full-time on Monday and my son is attending a lovely nursery three days a week. He has done remarkable at settling in, however, this morning when I dropped him he seemed a little upset. This might be numerous things I.e. teething or the start of a cold and just wants to be wrapped up and at home with his mummy.
I was excited about returning back to work and enjoying having a bit of me back but now I’m walking home with tear filled eyes wondering what I’m doing.
Is this normal to feel so wrong about doing something right?
Thanks so much for getting in touch. What you’re feeling is soooo normal (in my somewhat limited experience!).
Nursery, or any sort of childcare for that matter, in my humble opinion is great for a child’s development. Eadie needs so much stimulation now and they are so much better at providing this than I am! The most exciting thing she gets from me on a Thursday is a trip to Sainsbury’s and M&S and maybe a walk to the park if she’s lucky!
I joked so much about crying when I dropped her at nursery for the first time but didn’t really think I would cry. I did. Loads! And she cried when I handed her over. And has done every time for three months now until the last two sessions! All the Mums I bump into assure me most of them still do it now. They cry at drop off then don’t want to come home!
Don’t feel that you are abandoning him because you’re not. You’ve done an amazing job so far and will continue to do so once you’re back at work. You will love being a little bit grown up you again and having a little bit of your own time back. That was the bit I found hardest actually. I felt so guilty about wanting to be back at work (some of the time) but we shouldn’t. We’re intelligent, motivated women and we need to use these skills too. In the long-term we are seeking to provide the best possible standard of living for our littles ones and not many of us have the luxury of doing so on one salary anymore!
Nursery drop offs will get easier and he will grow to love it there. It might not be instantaneous. It might even take a couple of months but you should be so proud of what you’re doing. Raising the future AND having a career too! And hey if this set up doesn’t work out you’ll try a different way.
Get ready for him to catch every cold going and having every outfit covered in muck and, like Dani says, those amazing smiles when you pick him up!!
Lots of love xxx
Firstly, thanks so much for emailing us and letting us know how you’re feeling. Secondly, you are an absolute hero – And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! You’re doing the right thing for you and your son and while it might feel difficult right now, I assure you that he will soon be thriving and absolutely loving it!
I think all three of us struggled with the first few drop offs, so there is nothing unusual about your reaction. You’ll see a beautiful picture of Ali on our Instagram account in floods of tears after dropping Eadie off for the first time!
In my case I found that it was difficult to begin with because I didn’t have a lot to occupy my brain back at work, I.e. They were easing me in. As soon as the work load picked up I found that I had less time to worry about Oliver and I just had to take comfort in the fact that his development was coming on leaps and bounds – much faster than when he was at home with me! I still miss him terribly though – really makes me value the time I have with him on a Friday.
Stick with it lovely, you are doing an amazing job and I promise you it will get easier!
Lots of love – keep us updated xxx
What a morning you have had by the sounds of it. Please be a little assured that everything you said you are feeling is normal as far as I am concerned. It’s ok and probably If you didn’t have a little wobble it would be more worrying!
Marnie has had off days but is really settled now. She’s even had poorly days when they have called me in to get her and I have felt like a complete failure. But it’s all part of mum life. The fairy tail ideal is exactly that. A fairy tale that isn’t realistic. I am sure he will be fine and so will you. You are allowed to want and to have a bit of your own life and time. Grab a coffee and a bit of cake and think about how he’s going to be buzzing when you pick him up! That smile and excitement when you go to collect from nursery is my favourite part of the day.
Oh and also a big thank you for following and emailing us!
And please update us next week with how your first week back goes xx
I can’t begin to tell you how much your responses have made me feel, albeit emotional, but happy emotions.
Intuition this morning told me that Byron wasn’t feeling his normal contented self and by mid-day I received a call from his key worker to confirm that he was very unsettled and a little under the weather.
The nursery drop off is by far the hardest part and I’m so pleased to say that when I do return to work the drop off will be dealt with by Daddy. Which excitingly means that I get collection part.
This morning I was a bundle of emotional sad tears, feeling like a failure, a bad mummy and having awful thoughts of negativity about my lifestyle choices! After reading all your responses I now feel superhuman and ready to take on life with a Big Bang and know that my son is in good care and somewhere that I’ve chosen as the best place for Byron’s early years development.
Thanks again ladies for being a wonderful network of positivity, inspiration and fabulous guidance. Today you have all been my heroes.