So Marnie has started nursery now. If you can’t tell she is at one called Yellow Dot. It all went pretty smoothly but reflecting back on the week I realised it was pretty similar to the five Kubler Ross Stages of Change. Here’s how the week went…
Sunday Night – Denial
- Frankly, I am so hungover from the night before, (Thanks Simone and Steve) that I have forgotten she’s going. This isn’t denial….. no…it’s not.
Monday – Denial into Anger
- She sleeps in until 8am. In my denial I let her sleep and just yell at the older two to get out of bed. I discover that a promise of cooked food in the kitchen and playing with the taps while they are in the shower expedites departure for school.
- Realise nothing for nursery has her name on it and no bag is packed. Must order labels right this minute. Nursery call to ask if she is still coming in today. Oops. I hadn’t thought to let them know when she will arrive and get collected?
- Manage to be mega productive and feel like a hero. Do a food shop, clean my kitchen floor grout with a toothbrush (dreamy) and prep for dinner. I even managed an hour or so round Laura’s. This is easy! But is only 2pm…..what do I do now?
- When I collect her, at 3pm, she acts like she hasn’t missed me although she also hasn’t eaten or slept much so is clearly protesting about my absence. She eats the biggest dinner (yay!)
- Middle one has a fab day at school so so far the day is going great (double yay!) – this is all going to be OK isn’t it! Keep on saying it.
- Then spend most of the evening complaining that everyone takes me for granted and I have to do it all. How will anyone survive with me back at work? I cant do it all and a commute and a full time job. Why doesn’t anyone help (blah, blah, really it was very boring). Clearly I have moved forward into anger.
Tuesday – Anger into Bargaining
- Still Angry. Even check what day of my cycle I am on as it’s not a full moon. I get brought a cup of tea and her bottle while I am in bed. This means I can be angry from my bed which I think the older two like – it means less sneaky tactics with the water flows. I make up for it with egg muffins.
- She goes in again with no problems. I am now at a loss as to what to do! Yesterday’s productive person has been replaced with an orderless biscuit-eating slob. I watch The Affair, Reggie Yates in Australia and wonder aimlessly around the house moving things. Luckily its Beth’s birthday lunch. Lots of babies there. I miss mine.
- How lucky can you get? It’s only Tuesday and I also have parents evening. Rush to nursery to collect the babe early. It’s so I wont have to sit in traffic later. Honest.
- Just make it for the start and it’s a positive. Marnie goes down a hit, as usual, with the teachers. She’s great at diverting attention from any difficult moments.
Wednesday – Depression
- More tea and bottle in bed! Eat crumpets for breakfast. F#*k Slimming World this week. Who needs to get back in those clothes anyway. I never even liked them.
- Sit in lots of traffic and nearly miss dentist. What a day of fun hey.
- On a side note: Does anyone else play Russian roulette with the fuel levels in their car? I really should not just run it on the red as much as I do. I always want to see if I can beat the computer on the dashboard. Soon I will run out on the way to pick her up and the £zillion/second late pick-up charge will bite me in my big crumpet-fuelled ass.
- The rest of the day is spent waiting for Martin to get back so we can collect her together. He’s never been and needs to know when for his drop-offs and pick-ups. It’s later than usual and I am climbing the walls with both boredom and missing her. Before he’s in the front door I ushering him back to the car.
- Feel emotional in the car talking about going to get her. What is happening? I was over this. Oh god I feel so heart pumping, sick in my tummy emotional. Literally crying. When we arrive at the nursery and see her through the windows. More emotion. Tears welling up at the front door. What is this?!
- Luckily she’s very excited to see me too, unluckily she’s had a big sleep today. I had planned to keep her home for a nap tomorrow if she hadn’t. Damn it.
- She’s feral when we get home. I think I have brought home the wrong child. She’s clambering, shouting, generally being pretty funny but this isn’t the laid back calm placid Marnie! Also, she has stopped sucking her thumb. That’s major stuff. Ovaries start twitching a little. Where’s my baby gone? Maybe we should get a dog?
- Dropped a bottle of sesame oil. Its an omen of some sorts. Maybe that I need to move those bottles of oils and sauces or maybe she can stay home with me tomorrow. Hmm…
Thursday – Depression into Acceptance
- I am getting very used to the tea and bottle in bed thank you Hubby.
- Go to baby sensory on a one off opportunity ( Thanks Kim) and encountered my first (this time round anyway) horrid mum. It makes me feel quite awkward and adds to my depressed mood. I forgot how some women like to make others feel excluded, or don’t realise that they are doing it. I think its partly because the babe looks like she had risen from the dead and is oozing green stuff from eyes and nose, but she was also complaining about Marnie’s squeals (of joy) to her friend. Quite glad I don’t have to see her again, not sure I would have been so polite.
- So after that I was pleased to drop Marnie off with her new friends and the nice friendly nursery ladies. She even cheered up and waved me goodbye! Maybe this won’t be all bad.
- Aldi baby event. Say no more. They do the best muslins.
Friday – Almost Acceptance
- Tea and bottle in bed – Standard. Thank you Martin.
- Sit in traffic to drop her off and all is looking well apart from her face which appears to be leaking something from every orifice now. Nursery Sickness Absence Policy is quite amazing! She goes in great waving me goodbye.
- Have a brilliant lunch with an old colleague. Positivity is returning. Looking forward to the weekend even if I have realised that the plans I thought I had do not exist. The BuJo (Bullet Journal) is working out well as you can tell….
- When I get a call to collect her because she’s got a bad tummy and hit the 3 dirty nappies limit I feel both happy (I get to collect her early) and sad – I am exposing her to what feels like every known bug and virus known to mankind. Not just conjunctivitis, a cough, and a snotty nose but now a bad tummy.
- I buy each of the girls in the baby room a little face mask. They have been a dream putting up with me and settling Marnie in so well. I like a little thank you. Always makes someone feel a little better don’t you think?